#GovernmentOfSafaricom Episode3

…Continued from Episode 2

A tall, very lean AP with their usual wooden handle guns appears and calls on me to go to him. He comes closer and I proceed to walk with him. I make a phone call to a friend to let him know what’s going on. So, the AP asks me what the issue is and I narrate the ordeal. As we walk, two more guys join the charade – one in a blue suit and light green tie like the other one described in the previous paragraph and the other a young man with a Safaricom-branded hood. I am now being asked to go the AP’s office and we can discuss the matter there. I stopped and told them I am not moving until I know why I am being arrested when the photos they are claiming I have taken are no longer there. The AP shouts, “Unajua naweza kuchukua hiyo simu yako na hakuna kitu utanifanyia!?” (Loose translation: Do you know I can take that phone of yours and there is nothing you can do to me!?” I neither speak nor move. He asks the same questions I have mentioned in the previous paragraph and my responses are unwavering the same.

The guy in the hood says his name is Kelvin and asks for my name and I tell him one name. He asks what the other name is and I do not reply. He scoffs with a smirk. He asks for my ID and my answer is the same, “I’m not giving you my ID before you produce yours…” The shorter, plumper, darker militiaman-in-suit attempts to hold my hand as if to drag me and I shout at him, “Don’t you dare touch me! Don’t you dare lay your hands on me! You are no arresting authority and have no powers to even touch me! And even if you had such powers, this is on Waiyaki Way and not Safaricom House – your jurisdiction ends in that building…” They start talking about how bad Kenya is nowadays blah blah blah bleh bleh bleh… I tell them that none of them has identified themselves except the first guy whose name I cannot validate as Dennis. They say he may have forgotten his Job ID and I ask them how he is allowed to go on working outside the company premises without a job ID. I tell them I do not trust any of them and since the photos he claims are there are no longer there, then they are holding me for nothing and wasting my time.

At this juncture, the friend I had called had called another friend who was closer to Westlands. I called the friend of a friend to find out how far he was and we talk at length as I explain to him where to alight. The #GovernmentOfSafaricom is jittery and the short, plump, darker suited militia claims, “Huyu jamaa anatuwastia time” (This guy is wasting our time). I turn to him and tell him that they have wasted enough of mine and I have children who are now alone at home because of their baseless accusations. I inform them that if I had interest in their coveted sacred temple that is Safaricom House, I would have…

[The 4th and final episode will be available on on Thursday October 31, 2019)