#GovernmentOfSafaricom Episode4

…Continued from Episode 3

I inform them that if I had interest in their coveted sacred temple that is Safaricom House, I would have taken a full picture of the building at the Shell petrol station, which is right opposite the building, since there is a better, full-view angle there. They refuse to see sense, but the AP says to the Dennis guy, “Wewe umeridhika na hii simu kuwa haina picha zenye unasema…?” (Are you satisfied with this phone that it does not have the photos you are talking about…?) He asks me to hand my phone to the said Dennis and I do. I proceed to educate him that such photos can be found in my gallery, I also have Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Photos, which backs up photos on my Gmail. He peruses through and after some time I tell him that I need my phone back. They start saying that they will hold it and I tell them that they cannot do that. When I attempt to reach out for it, a commotion ensues as they pass it around and I yell out how they have no rights to withhold it. The AP asks for the phone and I tell him that it is neither exhibit nor evidence as no case or legal accusation has been leveled against me yet. They hand it back, as the AP calls the in-suit militia aside and they speak in hushed tones.

As they converse, the friend of my friend arrives and he chucks out his job ID… they look at it and all over a sudden they are as tame as the 10 lepers approaching the Son of Man to be healed back in those days. The story now changes to why was I running away, why did I delete the photos, why I did not produce my ID… I gave the same responses I had and, as the lecturer, I was getting bored with my lecture. The friend of a friend requested me to give my ID and I did. Hooded-Kelvin took a photo of my ID and said that they have their own mechanisms of verifying someone – typical #GovernmentOfSafaricom stuff, I guess. Dennis is now speaking to the friend of my friend in their native language since he saw his given name – typical ethnic relationship building that surpasses professionalism and cleanses all sins away. We walk scot-free, as the AP summons the guys onto their next prey, “Kujeni kuna mwingine amepatikana pale…” (Loose Translation: Come there is another one who has been found there…) They all dash in a mad rush onto their next kill.

Now, these shameful events are unforgettable and indelible because they took place on the same day that the Safaricom Board announced a mûndû wa nyûmba as their first African CEO. On this very day, Safaricom was promoting their #SafaricomForYou hashtag on Twitter and I could not agree more… that was #SafaricomForMe. About their being simple, honest and transparent…? You be the judge!

***The End***

The next post will be about my slum life – by force by fire.

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