How Thaabarî Komû Trounced Ken Theero for Good

Nobody in this village, where babies connect people and Tha is pronounced as Sa or Za and ba as sa, really recalls the birth of Thaabarî in vivid detail. Her father, Mîkaîri Komû, timidly walked into the village marketplace holding baby Thabaarî, flanked by his wife, Beta, as was custom in the community. The journey to the marketplace was not documented, as the only aim was to fulfill custom by just presenting baby Thabaarî to the villagers in the hope that they would accept her. Unfortunately, nearly everyone in the marketplace that day was at the podium set aside for Ken the son of Theero. The villagers had been intrigued by Ken Theero’s grand entry into the marketplace on market day in the hands of his popular grandfather, Theansa Isyesi. As for Thabaarî Komû, her grandfather, Thebeta Opshon, was unknown to the villagers and unaccustomed to the marketplace having lived nearly all his life in a far-off village, called Ngeretha.

When Mr. Komû presented his daughter Thabaarî, Theansa Isyesi mocked him about how small and congested her presentation podium was; so small that the villagers had to wait in line to come close to seeing her tiny toes. Only a few village vagabonds stayed around Thabaarî’s podium. Most of those that stayed only did so because they needed something different to gossip about. Thabaarî had a rough start and the future looked as unpromising as monogamy in a pack of wolves does. This unpopularity is what prompted Komû to move his daughter from the crowded, rich marketplace and introduce Thabaarî Komû to the village farmers, retirees and the illiterates that could not make it to the popular village marketplace. There, Thabaarî Komû, who was always dressed in green and white with a tiny, red hat was received with unequalled enthusiasm – for, you see, she was the only one in the remote areas of the village and she connected people with her novel ways of communication.

Meanwhile, Ken Theero, in his usual red and white fancy suit, was busy marketing himself in the marketplace especially to those that looked wealthy and loaded. What Ken Theero could not see was that the marketplace villagers that he targeted and helped connect were sons and daughters of the villagers in the remote areas where Thabaarî had relocated to and made herself a household name. What the villagers at the marketplace needed was someone that could connect them to their illiterate, clothed-in-rags mothers, chang’aa saturated fathers, camiso-adorned daughters, underwearless sons, ever-gossipping aunties, bell-bottomed uncles, and their grandfathers and grandmothers who had gradually evolved into toothless mammals. This, Ken Theero had not set himself up to do since the marketplace was where he expended his biceps. On the other hand, Thabaarî Komû did not even need to reintroduce herself to the marketplace and the marketplace people. The villagers she had connected in the remote, dusty areas where the private chambers were more popular for the du-sound one made after hitting the eject button than for privacy and hygiene. Before long, they introduced Thabaarî to their marketplace relations (the likes of Katirizious Namwonyonyi, Fantamagorgeous Kîambûthî, Bob Marley Mwamnazi and Faudiza Ade Othlongongo) through word of mouth over some Christmas nyama shoma and kumîra kumîra campaigns.

Gradually, Thabaarî Komû became the most-sought-after connector between the marketplace gurus and the remotest of village commoners. Sooner than later, Ken Theero could not cope and in his usual marketplace ways, he chose to spice up his outlook with a new name. He began calling himself Thaini – just Thaini. He dished out freebies to both the marketplace and the remote village creatures to no avail. Thaini lacked the village-smart acumen to sustain those. He would later transform to Eiya Tero, but he would forever be second place, as Thabaarî Komû – despite charging more to connect – was now family. The villagers could hear none of him. Not even the Tibim-Tialala marketplace community’s resist-Thabaarî-Komû massive lefting shook Thabaarî Komû for Eiya Tero.

Thabaarî Komû even connected the mbecas of the marketplace and the rural Weetangualias from the western village block through her first cousin, Em-Mbeca. She then got married to Mayweather Twawetha and in the now-trending, unafrican, 21st Century swag had since hiphened Twawetha after her name to become Thabaarî Komû-Twawetha. She was helping people to come together and make great things happen… Together. She even ventured into offering savings and loans, ritûrû transport services and Paimba connectivity to Masakussetes. Although people complained that she charged more to connect them, they stayed with her. Meanwhile, Eiya Tero was busy grappling for number two with Thabaarî Komû’s younger, cousin bladder (cousin from a very very far relation), Tere Komû. He had changed names one too many times even for his once-marketplace fans to recognize him. He began copying nearly everything Thabaarî Tero invented, but with little success if any. Forever doomed to changing names and fighting for second-place, Ken Theero had signed up a forever-trounced contract with Thabaarî Komû and renewed it forever with the now Thabaarî Komû-Twawetha.